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  « Brain Busting On Beverage Tax

Wheelchair Outtakes From Intakes Again

It’s been a while since I have posted some humorous outtakes from my days in wheelchair clinics.

It’s getting tougher to scan the old memory banks but some of the cells are still functioning and they managed to retrieve a few gems. These are parts of discussions and conversations from wheelchair clinics that I managed. The clinics were well known for their lack of starched white coats, extreme casual atmosphere, and friendly two way discussions. Many of the clients were people I had known for a number of years.

Enjoy

This was a rather unique discussion with a streetwise para named Ray who lived in a tough neighborhood in NYC. Ray was at the clinic picking up a shiny new powered wheelchair.

Ray: What do one of these things go for?
Me (in suspicious tone): Why do you want to know Ray?
Ray (attempting to be overly and obviously earnest): You know, I’m thinking about getting insurance in case it gets robbed.
Me: Ray, please don’t fence the chair. They’ll never get you another one. If it gets robbed just call the police, get a police report, send me the report and I’ll get it replaced for you.
Ray: The police! Man, they’ll never go for it a second time.

This one came up while advocating on behalf of a veteran who had been denied a powerchair by a VA gatekeeper disguised as a physician. The decision was based on a paper review. Keep in mind that the vet was a bilateral below knee amputee who could not wear artificial limbs due to chronic sores and diabetes and therefore did not ambulate.

Me: Doctor, I think that your decision is incorrect, ultimately detrimental to this veteran, and based on nothing more than your own misguided attempt to save money.
Doctor: Let me assure you that we give each patient a very thorough evaluation to include their ability to ambulate safely prior to making a decision.
Me: How did he do on the ambulation evaluation?
Doctor: Just fine. He didn’t fall once!
A conversation with a nursing home resident named Charles who spent a good part of each day waiting for people to push him places in his wheelchair.

Me: Why don’t you want a power wheelchair? You’ll be able to get around on your own and participate in many of the things you’re missing out on.
Charles: Really, I don’t mind waiting for someone to push me. It gives me something to do.

Cynthia was the sweetest lady you would ever want to meet. She treated everyone as if they were a favorite grandchild. Cynthia was no longer able to propel her manual wheelchair. I was hoping to step her up to a mobility scooter but she was for some reason pleasantly resistant.

Me: Well Cynthia, what do you think of trying a scooter out?
Cynthia: I’m not sure I can handle it.
Me: That won’t be a problem. We’ll have a therapist work with you until you are comfortable with it.
Cynthia: There’s something I didn’t tell you that I should have.
Me: What’s that?
Cynthia: I don’t have a driver’s license.
Me: That’s OK, you don’t need one.
Cynthia: But what will I tell the police officer if I get pulled over?

Some time ago Sunrise Medical (a wheelchair manufacturer) played heavily on a slogan that they had developed for their Quickie line of wheelchairs- “Nothing Beats A Quickie”. The buttons and stickers were quite popular and very much in demand by wheelchair users and walkers. Their sales reps would leave loads of these at wheelchair clinics for the staff to give out. Phil and his usually demure wife were in the clinic to pick up a new Quickie wheelchair.

Me: (said with finality): It looks like you’re ready to go Phil.
Phil: (while sneaking a peek at his wife): Can I get one of those "Nothing beats a Quickie" buttons to put on the back of my wheelchair?
Me: Sure, have a couple of them.
Phil: (again peeking at wife): Can I get a few of the stickers to put on the sides of the wheelchair?
Me: No problem.
Wife to Phil (in a commanding tone): Since you’re advertising you can start with me.
From a discussion with Bob who is a middle aged power wheelchair user.

Me: What’s going on with your chair?
Bob: It runs out of power alot.
Me: Have you been charging it everyday?
Bob: No, only when it needs it.
Me: How do you know when that is?
Bob: Oh, that’s no problem. It just comes to a complete stop.
 

September 1st, 2009 | Category: At The Hub, General, Techguide Newsticker

4 comments to Wheelchair Outtakes From Intakes Again

  • greg
    September 2nd, 2009 at 10:27 am

    too funny, I put this on my blog!

  • Pat Dobbins
    September 3rd, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    What happened with the veteran bi-lateral amputee who could not wear artificial legs? I he ever get the chair he needed? – Pat

  • Ziggi
    September 4th, 2009 at 1:05 am

    Sure did. We built up such an outrageous collection of wrongs, process infractions, outrageous statements, that they threw in the towel. Of course their bottom line was that it was all a “misunderstanding”. Very odd since we had it all in writing from their own staff and most of us could read at high school level or better.

    It was weird since it all stemmed from one physician playing self appointed gatekeeper to the facility falling in behind her rather than admit the mistake. In the end it had nothing to do with the veteran. It was cover your ass and stick to your guns regardless of right or wrong.

    Sorry situation when staff take it upon themselves to interpret regulations their way.

  • Pat Dobbins
    September 5th, 2009 at 11:59 am

    Glad he got it! Maybe he should’a gone to one of those TV advertisers who say they can get you “the chair you need at no cost to you”! lol ;) – Pat